The Girl Who Fell To Earth

RAWR

2009-11-13T21:37:00.000-08:00

36 days until I go home!
So many people aren't coming back to the school next semester
&for good reason.
I can't wait. I wish it was just decemeber already.
That boy called me by the way, we talked about a few things.
I'm not sure where anything stands though.
Ahhh I can't wait to get out of here.

Home is a feeling I buried in you

2009-10-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

So guys I've decided that when I go back home for winter break I'm going to stay and go to school on the east coast. I'm getting more & more excited about going home, I think it's the best decision for me, because if I'm not happy here why waste time and money when I can go home and be happy you know?People here may want me to stay, but I can't stay for them I have to do this for myself and I'm super glad I got to experience something new and I've learned so much & I'm coming out of it with new skills which is more than I could've asked for. & it's not like I won't take classes online. (maybe it's expensive) so I'll just go to school and work and do all of the things that I miss. I can't wait. This city just isn't for me.

& if you're interested check out the first music video I've ever made!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22OXoPGzKB0

it's to the song don't let them see you cry :)
the video starts at 1:30 ( I had to do bars&tones,slate&slug as a requirement)
My editing professor loved my video, she said it had a beautiful pace and that my personality showed through :)

Enjoy!

Collage because I miss you

2009-10-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

Holy shitballs.

2009-10-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, so it's been a month since I've landed in San Fran and things are in full swing.

School is SO stressful, I have tons upon tons of work to do and barely any downtime.

The girls in my dorm are great (except for one stupid bitch) I've made a lot of friends so far, but I really miss home. And by home I mean my friends and family.

I also met a boy a week before I left. Ain't that about a bitch? Yeah it is.

I'm probably going to take some online classes when I come home for summer to further this whole process along, school's too expensive to be fucking around. & I really only want to go here for like 2 years, but that maybe impossible. If so I'll just stay in Maryland and take classes online, because as much as I like San Fran, there are things to be attended to on the east coast.

Also I've been without my computer for like a month, I really hope it comes today like it said, but knowing my luck, it won't. Here's hoping all. Once I get it back I'll probably update this more, ehh if I have time that is.

&this hot Persian boy that looks like Johnny Depp keeps telling me to call him, but I can't because I have so much work. Oh life.

I hope everyone's well! Maybe I will be once I get everything for today figured out.

9, almost 8

2009-08-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

Hello again. It's been sometime since I've seen you.
I've been quite busy this summer what with going to beaches and parties and trying to get seeing everyone in before I jet off to California from Maryland.
I'll miss the warm nights because I heard there aren't many in San Fran.
As my title says, I leave in 9, almost 8 days. I'm feeling a mix of emotions. Excitement, fear, sadness, nervousness, and quite surreal. It still doesn't seem like I'm going.
Ma & I did go to the airport tonight to inquire about a few things. My brother is coming with me to help me move in. & my father will be coming to California from Arizona to see us. I'm not excited. I haven't seen him in awhile and I like to keep it that way. Anyhow here are some places you can reach me:

www.youtube.com/user/ohthehorror5
http://dailybooth.com/letsskiptown

Make it happen.

VLOG?!

2009-07-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

Ok so Ellie told me that I should vlog because I'd be good at it, so I'm giving it a shot!
You can check out my shennagians here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ohthehorror5

Yum.
I pulled an all-nighter last night and cuddles and a 2 person shower was involved.
It was a good night. And a big piece of chocolate cake&brawl beforehand.

<3

Cleaning up.

2009-05-31T20:58:00.001-07:00

I'm taking out the trash so to speak and deleting some numbers from my phone and getting rid of the waste that I don't need to have around. It just brings unneccessary negative energy into my life and I don't need that. I'm so excited to leave Maryland in a few months and go to San Francisco, I start completely fresh and I won't run into someone I know everywhere I turn. It'll be more than nice to see new faces. It's kind of shocking to think that I'm acutally going, but I can't wait. The time is now.

twenty.

2009-05-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Dickmouth,

Like I said when I first met you I knew you'd be apart of my life somehow. Sadly it's been nothing but trouble. You told me that you wanted me to trust you and I wanted to believe that I could, but as time progressed it became undoubtedly clear that I couldn't do that. I find myself wondering if you think the games you play are okay. They certainly aren't okay with me. And a large part of me is glad we didn't date because you simply can't be trusted. And you obviously didn't want to date me anyway, let's be honest. Because if you can go and date some other girl immediately after breaking up with your girlfriend without even considering me- there's obviously something up there. Especially since you're leaving for school at the end of June and you just want to "relax" in college. You didn't even have the decency to wish me a happy birthday. It seems to be hard for you to even be a good friend. I really hope that when you go to college, you'll grow up and learn how to treat people.

^ Just something I wanted to say.
I just had my 20th birthday on the 19th and I don't feel any different. I never do. My birthday wasn't anything special and I ended up getting upset and crying at one point in the night. I have my first final tomorrow for my film class and I'm sure I'll do fine. I hope so anyway.

rawr.

2009-02-25T23:02:00.000-08:00

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.
I wish I was your favourite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish I was your favourite smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.
I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.
I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.
All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
I wish that we could see if we could be something

oh by the way

2009-01-26T09:18:00.000-08:00

(I don't feel like I NEED to do this, but I want to, so I will)

Dear You,
There are so many things I didn't get to say to you, because I felt like you wouldn't listen. You used to say you weren't the type to say "fuck your feelings", but it really seemed as if you were. When I really needed a friend, you shut me out because it was more convient to you. & I didn't appreciate you accusing me of playing some type of game, I was hurt and you couldn't be bothered. Apparently that's what "best friends" means to you. I would've always been there for you and even though you said the same and that nothing would change I knew in my heart that it would. We became too close too fast and maybe when you grow up a bit things will be different. & I hope you know that getting a boyfriend shouldn't change your relationships with your friends. I never cared that your brother was famous or that plenty of times our conversations wouldn't consist of much.
I'm glad we didn't take that huge step together because now I see it would've been a bad idea. I'm not going to lie I miss you sometimes and I miss the way we were. Thinking back in that year of knowing each other we had a lot of fun, right up until things got kind of crazy and went to shit.
Maybe we can be friends that way again in a few years.

"Mix Tape"I got a twenty-dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup. You're always made up.And I'm sick of your tattoos,and the way you always criticize the Smiths... and Morrissey.And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. But when I say let's keep in touch,I really mean I wish that you'd grow up. This is the first song for your mixtape. It's short just like your temper,but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool...I got a twenty-dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup.You're always made up.And I'm sick of your tattoos, and the way you don't appreciate Brand New or meAnd I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. But when I say let's keep in touch,I hope you know I mean I wish that you'd grow up .This is the first song for your mixtape.It's short just like your temper,but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool...

60?! (I'll love you in the morning when you're still strung out)

2008-11-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

"Mix Tape"
I got a twenty-dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup. You're always made up.And I'm sick of your tattoos,and the way you always criticize the Smiths... and Morrissey.And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. But when I say let's keep in touch,I really mean I wish that you'd grow up. This is the first song for your mixtape. It's short just like your temper,but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool...I got a twenty-dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup.You're always made up.And I'm sick of your tattoos, and the way you don't appreciate Brand New or meAnd I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. But when I say let's keep in touch,I hope you know I mean I wish that you'd grow up .This is the first song for your mixtape.It's short just like your temper,but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool...

It's been forever and a day. But I thought I'd stop by for a quick hello. Things have been down and then they've been up, very up. If that makes any sense. I've been realizing more and more lately that I have people who will care about me through thick and thin and I'm so thankful for them. I'm just so excited for what's to come, because I know it's gonna be good.
x

What if I go?

2008-10-02T19:26:00.001-07:00

As usual it's been awhile. Things have been up and down, mostly down. I've just been feling like shit for the past few weeks and a big part of me doesnt know why. But I do think that some of it is that I'm just having problems with people. I talked most of them out with a few, but there's still something in the air.

"And every day I'm calling on my inner strength
To fight for something once worth fighting for
Maybe it's life in the real world
Maybe it's all been my fault
What if I go?
What if I leave?
What if I show you how you're breaking me?"

I'd like to think that soon this will pass and things will be better, but I can't believe that. And I also somehow can't find it in myself to change and I think I want to. But it's hard, very hard. I just need something good to happen, more than anything.

Blue.

2008-08-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Night falls
I fall
And where were you?
And where were you?
Warm skin
Wolf grin
And where were you?
I fell into the moon
And it covered you in blue
I fell into the moon
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night?
High tide
Inside
The air is dew
And where were you?
While I
I died
And where were you?
I crawled out of the world
And you said I shouldn't stayI crawled out of the world
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night
Alone?

Summer's over and I should've went to bed an hour ago and I don't know things anymore. I'm not certain of anything and that's ..odd. Honesty can hurt sometimes.
It's so cold right now.

we got dicks like jesus.

2008-08-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

Besides cleaning, working out, and laying out in the sun for my vitamin D taking pictures were how I'm spending this last summer day. Maybe going to the playground later for stars and maybe the howard county police. Hopefully not the second. I really hope my mom and relatives don't come back in the house while I'm blasting My Dick. That would be embarassing. I don't need that. I'm sure it'll be over before they come home. Anyways I'm glad I was productive today if nothing else. & I did Barbie Aerobics from when I was a kid and it made me really happy, so that's not bad at all considering the recent events. &I also feel really good about what I ate today and I hope I can keep this whole thing up. That'd be nice. Well I'm off to do..something.

and you don't know me at all.

2008-08-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

Why does it seem to be that I write in this when I've had a shitty day or am angry or what have you? Not sure, but I guess that's just the way things go. I know I've written about this PLENTY of times, but it still really aggravates me: When someone asks how your day was and you tell them shitty and they don't even ask why or if it got better or anything along those lines. Isn't that something that people do? I mean I do that. Maybe not everyone cares to know. But it just makes the day a bit worse. Today was a family day and at first it wasn't too bad, but then it always ends in tears. For me anyway. If you ever want to feel like shit and that you're worth nothing and that nothing you do is ever going to be right, those are the people to talk to. And it just makes me so upset that they judge me, my brother, and my mother so much and we're family. It shouldn't be like that. And I feel like if we're not hurting ourselves or anyone else, what's the problem you know? I see none. And generally I'm a really strong person and I don't let people get to me like this, but after years of it it just breaks you down. I left feeling like a worthless piece of shit, as per usual. This has been building up for awhile because I never felt it as much as I did last night. Mom and I had a long talk in the car after I finished sobbing and it was really nice to talk to her because she understood and she was there for me when no one else was. Guess that's what a mom should be really. And she told me stories about when Thomas and I were born and how she and my Dad started dating and their first dance song came on the radio, which was really strange.

Today is the last day of summer and I can't say I'm completely ready to say goodbye to it. I'm ready for school, but I'd like a little bit more time just to get myself together. But oh well. Nothing I can do. I just hope there are stars out tonight so I can lay on the hill and watch them for awhile. Not much else to say really, I just wanted to get that out. Talked to mom, wrote about it in my journal, wrote it here. Hopefully I won't feel bad in the morning, but my uncle and aunt are coming over and she was one of the ones I have problems with. We'll see how that train wreck goes. I'll be locking my door.

Oh and I went to the doctor, I have to see a neurologist for my dizzy spells and falling down, I hope that there's nothing up with my brain. The doc said I was healthy otherwise which was nice to hear.

good intentions.

2008-08-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

Kat inspired me to come back to the blog. I can't believe it's August already, I guess that's exciting in a way because I'm ready for school except not ready for the work and paying for books and all that bullshit that comes along with it. But I do so much relish the times my friends and I spend together in the cafe. That makes school what it is. And as school progresses that just means England is that much closer. Emma and I have hit a certain snag, but hopefully that'll get figured out and it'll work for the best. Speaking of England I'm off to stalk Facebook pictures, because I mean what self respecting teenage girl doesn't do that?
Before I do that, completely random- I spent 8 hours of my day with Tony and we had a lot of fun and I got some type of exercise, which is good seeing as I'm often sitting on my fat ass all day. And with that I'm off.
x

Everyone sucks.

2008-06-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

It makes me furious the way some people act. And the fact that they can be so inconsiderate without another thought crossing their minds. It just hit me how much I'll miss certain people (my family and like 2 or 3 others) and how much I won't miss others when I move. Linwood told me some things today that made me so upset that I cried, it was that bad. I just can't believe the way so-called "friends" will act (& say certain things) towards each other. It's sickening and it's sad. I don't know where some people get off you know? I feel like we need to have a talk with these people because I just can't believe it.

I'll be something new a metamorphosis

2008-06-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

I had a crazy weekend. Things happened and I changed. There's something new in me and I'm ready to explore that. I don't feel bad about the things I did and I won't let anyone make me feel bad about it. Life is a whole different beast now and I'm ready to take it on. It's funny/strange the way things turn out, I never thought it would pan out this way. I'm glad they have and my eyes are continuing to open.

more lyrics.
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hilaryduff/metamorphosis.html

I won't be thinking about you.

2008-05-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

One of the things that gets on my nerves the most would be unreliable people. You make plans and they don't keep them and don't even bother to call. Taylor was supposed to take me to lunch because he missed my birthday and I didn't get a call or a text or anything and some people just chronically do this type of thing and I'm thinking it's not really worth the trouble anymore, especially if they just ignore me anyway then what's the point?
I mean I'm a pretty reliable person and it just irks me when people don't have to decency to call or text or anything. It's not that hard. And I feel like certain people are too concerned with themselves to care about what might be going on in someone else's life. And all they can do is tune you out. Friendship is a two-way street.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brandnew/lastchancetoloseyourkeys.html

That describes it. I mean this type of thing has happened to me countless times.
I can't wait to be 5,000 miles away from here.

Do you wish that we would fall in love?

2008-05-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

First things first, I didn't get fired. My boss just said shit happens and since I've worked there for so long without an incidence like this, it was alright. Second, my birthday was fun did the usual stuff went to Noodles &Co, saw Speed Racer (which I loved), went to the playground, and then hung out at my house.
Otherwise things have been alright, I checked my grades and I didn't fail Social Problems! Which gave me 2 As, a B, and a C. My GPA for the year was a 3.3, that's probably the best I've ever done in school.
I'm so ready though to get it all finished and go to England.
We (Ryan, Chris, Emma, and I) went to Frederick today to take pictures for Chris's photo contest and it was so beautiful there. I think if I had to live in Maryland, I'd live there. Sucks that it's like a 45 minute to an hour drive because I'd love to hang out there.
Man it's ridiculously hot in my room, my windows are open, but it's not helping.
Today was a beautiful day.

Here it comes again.

2008-05-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

After spending the day crying yesterday and earlier in the weekend, things are looking up a bit. Except for the fact that I might be fired from work because my drawer was $100 short on Friday (& it can't be accounted for)I told my boss that she knows that I didn't take it and she said she knows that, but the office doesn't care if I've worked there for 100 years they could still tell her to fire me. Which makes no sense because in the 2 years and 8 months that I've worked there this has never happened before and if I do it fired, I'm taking them to court. My boss was like that's money out of Leonard's (Banner) pocket, like he can't deal with losing $100 out of all the money he makes. And I asked her if I could just make it up and she was like they don't allow us to do that. Which also makes no sense, how would they even be able to tell? She also said if they don't fire me, then they'll be "watching me" Don't understand how they'll do that, but okay. Anyways on a happier note, I angrily cleaned the house yesterday & today. And I even cleaned Thomas's old room (my new room) because if he wasn't going to get to it, I had to. I needed it clean if I want to put furniture in there (like my new bookcase)
And I called my dad yesterday who of course forgot about my birthday, quality fathering skills that man has. Top notch. And I also told him about moving to England and he was like we'll see. Yeah no you won't see anything because I'm going with or without his permission, he has no control over anything I do. So he can shove that right up his ass.
Anyways I'm excited to wear my new outfit tomorrow, for Emma's cock-shaped cake, and seeing my friends. Hopefully it'll be a good day.

"I don't really wanna live this life"

2008-05-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Things I hate:
1. When people constantly talk about themselves and don’t ask how you are
2. When they ask how you are and you say shitty or something along those lines and they completely disregard it and then go right into something having to do with them.
3. People who are unreliable, you make plans and then they break them or don’t even give you a call to let you know what’s happening
4. Not being able to count on people because of #3.
5. Feeling like no one cares.
6. When people leave trash in my fucking car.

But hey I don’t expect anything anymore so I won’t be disappointed. And you know what sucks? I’m not even that excited for my birthday. I’m just really unsatisfied and really unhappy and I know there’s nothing I can do about it, this has been a long time coming and I feel like it’s going to last awhile. Temporary happiness is great and all, but I’m not even feeling that.
& I don’t know why I keep expecting some people to care because I know they don’t.
I just drove around aimlessly tonight because I had nothing better to do and I walked around and cried and then just got mad.
&what sucks even more is I think all this is making me break out.

(In slightly happier news I did really well my first year of college, got a 3.5)

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matkearney/girlamerica.html

I'm ready now

2008-05-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

Damn I need to get out of here. There's nothing here for me anymore.
On the outside it's as if things are fine, but that's not the way it is.
But whatever I'll try and stop writing about that.
I've got my last 2 finals tomorrow and then I'm finished and then work all weekend and after that birthday. Mum's supposed to be taking me shopping which will be great.
Anyway haven't got much else to say. Early start tomorrow, not like it matters.

Sugar is bad for me.

2008-05-11T17:20:00.001-07:00

Before I go back to watching my DVDs, I wanted to write. I always get mad at myself when I don't write in my (paper) journal for a couple of days, I feel like I'm wasting my days or something. I haven't anything really important to say, just that my birthday's in a week and I don't know what I want to do and for some strange reason I feel like certain people don't want to talk to me as much anymore and I don't know if that's true or just a silly assumption I'm making but either way I don't like it, of course.
Also I wonder why it is that when a guy is interested in one of my coworkers, I'm always the one they go to to give her their number. This has happened twice, not like that's a lot, but I just find it strange, I guess I'm the non-threatening type or something. It's annoying.
Bleh.
Summer's almost here and I'm more than ready, I don't know something needs to change.

A part of me is so unhappy. & I really wish I could fix it.

"I'm ready now to start a new beginning
With all our hopes and all our dreams
And I know the stars will shine for you and for meFrom the moment you believe."

& it's just like a dream

2008-05-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

Driving 5 hours to Pittsburgh was definitely worth it, because we got to hang out with the band.
We were going to go home, but Kelsey's dad was being a nazi and told us we had to stay there (because she wasn't supposed to drive because of provisionals) & we talked to the band afterwards and Joshua invited us to stay at the hotel they were at, so we followed them to the middle of nowhere and randomly got a room right across from them. So we spent the rest of the night before we left at 5am, going back and forth through our room and theirs. We also stole beer from outside of someone's hotel room, because the band wanted alcy. I don't drink, but it was just kind of fun. Then at 3 we went to Denny's with Sioban the tour manager and I spilled chocolate milkshake all over myself, but it was delicious. He asked for my number afterwards and he gave me his. I just couldn't believe it was all happening and it's funny because that was the first time I ever hung out with Kelsey(outside of work) and Tessa (I had just met her).

As for school, I've finished with English & Women's Health so my Mondays and Wednesdays are free, which is great. My ASL lab final went well I got an 87 and I have a solid A in the class, there's a true or false written final on Thursday and I also have Social Problems, which I'm sure I'll fail. And then my birthday's coming up soon. I can't believe it.
& I was going to take a math class over the summer, but that would be a waste of time and gas so I'll just take it next semester. I also can't believe I'm done with my first year of college and England is at my heels. Well I have to leave for work in 10 minutes. Goodbye for now.
xx

Can we take a ride? Get out of this place while we still have time.

2008-05-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

School's almost finished. I've got my first 2 exams tomorrow, Women's Health and English. Not too much to worry about. And immediately after school Kelsey, her friend Tessa, and I are driving 4 hours to Pittsburgh to see Kelsey's favourite band Breathe Carolina, she met them less than a week ago, but she's that obsessed. I anticipate it's going to be fun and very interesting. We're gonna get back at like 4:30am on thursday. & I've got an exam at 1, sign language lab. Should be easy. I just need to brush up on money markers and things of the like.
I'm so ready for summer. Today was a beautiful day. I know I should take math during the summer, but that would ruin my fun and kill my gas because I'd have to go out of my way to get to the school.
& I had a really fun time at work tonight because Kelsey and I were being fools.
And creeping out the customers. Such a great time.
Well I'm gonna go and finish watching Seven and hopefully not fall asleep like I always seem to do.

Moving On

2008-04-29T19:51:00.000-07:00

Chris and I have decided that after he graduates in a year we're gonna pack up and move to England together. It's a good decision and it feels right. I'm going to try and go to school there. It's going to be a lot of work, but it's worth it.
I'm sure there's more I need to write, but I have a paper to write (which won't get done), a powerpoint to finish, and boys to fuck with.
Love.

The King of The Road

2008-04-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

Oo two updates in a row, my my.
I'm at school right now waiting for my presentation partner. He should be here soonish.
There's a deaf event at Fuddrucker's tonight it should be pretty fun. I'm excited.
And I wanna finish this before my partner comes, because I don't want him to see this.
Why I don't know. I just don't.
There are doors opening everywhere, I feel jumpy for some unknown reason.
And I've been feeling really unmotivated lately. Also I'm getting to the point where I know that I need to move on from here. Like Maryland. There's a huge part of me that's telling me to go to Europe and I'm gonna do it. I have to do it. Not right now or anything, but soon. It's just been growing and I can't ignore it. So there's that.
I don't know if I've been unhappy or what, but something's in the air. Something's making me feel weird. Not a fan. I just wish I knew what it was so I could fix it. Oh well.

"The guy who whipped it out...I mean..gross."

2008-04-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

1. I'm not excited for this weekend.
We're having this huge Webkinz (the new craze for kids) event at Hellmark and there are going to be children everywhere. I don't want to be trampled. And we're having games and shit.
2. Not all of the weekend will be bad though because I am hanging out with Caitrin so that'll be fun. I need to buy some blank CDs for her, Chris, and Becca's mom (for pictures of Mr. Sam).
3. Uh. I hate feeling things.
4. I think I just contracted an STD from watching A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila.
Eh. Life.

the big 4 oh

2008-04-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

Thought I should write a little update of sorts because it's been awhile saw Kate Nash last night and luckily got to be in the front row. She smiled at me and so did her hot guitarist ( a lot, it was quite cute). It was a great concert. Then today I went to get my hair done and that's always a blast (not, because I have to get up so early-5:30 or 6 and then I get yelled at for falling asleep)

After that I got home, showered and hung out with Emma. We did the usual, shopping a bit and took pictures. & talked shit about Jordan- the lying cow if you will, because that never gets old.

Later Caitrin & Vlad stopped by, we played a botched game of Snatch which involved us making dirty words and throwing them in each other's clothes, pretty much. And then I took Emma home&now I'm here. Feeling unsatsified and tired. Can't really explain the unsatisfied, but tired is self-explanatory. Well the unsatsified is a usual actually. & I'm kind of sad about the fact that I don't really hang out with Linwood that much anymore, we used to just sit in my messy room and talk and I miss that. That's clearly not the only unsatisfying thing (damn I'm using that word quite a lot) It just seems that I can't win.

Tomorrow I have work and I was supposed to hang out with Thomas, but I don't think I can because I have some homework to do and things. I really shouldn't have put this stuff off. Oh well. I clearly love to screw myself up like this.

Why is she not naked?

2008-04-16T00:25:00.001-07:00

So um. I hate stupid liars. They suckkk
I'm over at Emma's & liars were the theme of the night.
& sitting around in my car, like creepers.
The end.

This Woman's Work.

2008-04-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

So you know what sucks? These things:

1. End of the semester work.
(I'm fucking drowning in it)
2. People who lie about things I've never said.
(It's unneccessary & extremely bitchy)
3. Cute girls who have boyfriends/unattainable girls/boys in general
(I would totally like them / to make out with them if it wasn't for that monkey wrench, so I try to push those feelings out)
4. Getting distracted.
(Clearly this)
5. Not asserting/standing up for yourself
(Why not let someone know how you feel?)
6. When people don't text you back
(Especially when it's important. or you just want to talk to them, I know I do it sometimes, but I really try not to.)
7. When you're trying to have a conversation with someone and they're clearly not listening.
(Nuff said)
8. Not being where I want to be/know I belong.
(It's not here, that's for damn sure)
9. Being sore.
(But how I got that way, totally worth it)
10. Feeling like there's something missing.
(It's no fun.)

So yeah that pretty much sums up life at the present moment. Maybe/hopefully things will get better as the weather does. I hope so, sun&warmth have their ways of making me happy. Hm, I barely slept this weekend either. I like to stay up late, what can I say?
But happy thing- I'm going to see Kate Nash with Jason&Chris on Friday and I'm v. excited. Date night with the boys, the very gay boys. Because c'mon it's me. Really.

Crap on a stick.

2008-04-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

Holy woah. Today Emma, Chris and I (and then Orri) took a gaggle of ridiculous and beautiful band photos. (For Pussaliah & the Radiators) These things are really important. Clearly. Man I barely got sleep this weekend, uhm it's definitely a minute till 4 right now & I'm sure I'll be up for awhile yet. My shoulder hurts, we wrestled...a lot. And I won. It was a great time. & then Thomas came home for a hot minute and it was nice to see him, since he's all moved out and whatnot. Well not entirely he still has some shit here he needs to take. I've already started moving clothes into his closet, just dresses and skirts and things. It's really nice to have all this extra space in my closet. It's great and and today was beautiful. Until it rained on us at hell house which wasn't cute. But the sky looked lovely. It was intense. Anywaysss this is just rambling because it's 4am!

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

2008-04-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm making an executive decision to get over it all now. Because I don't want to deal with it, I could run away from it all, but I'm just gonna face it and move on. No more jealously over feeling left out (which seems to be happening more often than not these days which is really upsetting because I felt like that so much in middle school and I don't want to have to experience it again, but oh well because it's definitely happening now), no more little crushes and concerns, and I'll deal with school. That's just how it has to be.
I just don't want to feel this way. & I'm not going to.

Concerned, Conflicted, and Confused

2008-04-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'm all three of those things up there.
& also a little sad about Thomas moving out, but I am excited to have more space. Not sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'll figure something out.
So I'm concerned 1- about school
conflicted 2- about a boy
confused 3- about a girl.

Life is weird.
and the only thing I can really control out of those things would be school. So yeah about that.
Oh well I'm sure I'll get over everything soon. Hopefully because nothing's changing that's for damn sure.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alexzjohnson/24hours.html
&
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/melaniec/carolyna.html
&
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aqualung/strangebeautifulillputaspellonyou.html

For those three special emotions. On a happier note, I'm gonna get a bookcase for my new room (Thomas's old room) & maybe some other fun things, I'm pretty excited about it all actually.

What if what we see is all we've got?

2008-04-07T20:42:00.000-07:00

First post of April:
I had a great weekend in which I barely slept. Friday night I went to dinner with Chris at Paper Moon Diner to meet Caitrin and her friends, it was my first time there and it was really good. Then back to Chris's house for cake and shennagians. (& Allison says I shouldn't deprive myself of secret makeouts at parties, because of the one crazy, I will take that into consideration) It was great seeingCaitrin and we're gonna hang out again sometime soon I believe. So Friday night I stayed up until 6, I was going to spend the night at Chris's, but I forgot I had to get my hair done, so he took me to meet my mom at a gas station and then it was off to the hair salon. I fell asleep under the dryers and on the chairs and got yelled at as usual. Then I went home and I finally got to sleep for a few hours and then Danielle and I went to the Hawk Nelson concert at this church. It was pretty Jesus-y, but it was good. & we met the band afterwards and a few of the others who performed and they were all nice. And then after the concert, I went over to Chris's again and hung out with him, Sam, and Robby. Sam, Robby, and I stayed up until 7 talking, it was a pretty intense conversation.
Then I had work and I can't really remember what I did after that. I guess worked on my teen pregnancy paper, which is always exciting. It's due tomorrow and I still have a few ( a lot) things to do.
Oh and Thomas is almost all moved out and I'm sad about it, but he's only about 15 minutes away and I get a permanent parking space, not a visitor's one anymore. & now I can turn his room into a playroom for me and my friends and all the crazy things we get up to.
His birthday is on the 10th and mom's on the 11th I need to start shopping for them.

Ehhh, I hate wanting things I can't have. That's annoying. But it seems to happen more often than not. Sometimes these situations are up in the air and according to some the signs are obvious and I'm being ridiculous, but I just don't know. Rawrrr, oh I don't know.

Random and weird thing: all day it's felt like there's something in my throat, it's odd and I don't like that feeling.

Okay the end, I'm going to try ( I HAVE TO) do the rest of this work and continue listening to music and texting. I also need to put a shirt on.

Fucked up.

2008-03-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

All I can say is revenge is a dish best served cold.
<3

Texting (hot) girls and horror movies.

2008-03-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

My my it's been quite awhile. It always is, isn't it? What have I been up to you ask? Oh the usual, working, going to school, having parties while Mum is away. She went to New York over spring break so I took it upon myself to have a little get together.

It was a lot of fun, no alcohol or anything because I don't drink and I can have fun without it. I made out with this boy that a friend of mine so unsubtley (but unbeknowst to me before the kissing) tried to set me up with. It didn't work. He's gloomy. I mean I can appreciate that for awhile, but not in this case. And it's fine because I don't need to date anyone (girls included, because that's just a whole other ballgame. Girls are weird too). It doesn't matter. I've been okay for all this time, in retrospect. Usually stupid/d-bag/creepy people like me anyway. & I don't like when cute outfits are wasted on undeserving, unappreciating, eyes.

So the whole let's be friends thing was mutal this time around. Which I was totally fine with. And I've made a pact with Emma, no more making out at parties. Or something might blow up.

Other exciting things I've been doing, buying new clothes (& panties!), planning parties (& certain people will not be invited because they fuck around with friend's feelings and that's uncool) and roadtrips, anxiously awaiting the warmth and trying to stay sane. All the normal things. I would be excited for this weekend, but honestly I'll just be working for most of it and then I've got papers to do for the following week. Teen pregnancy here I come!

On another note, people have been really getting on my nerves lately and I'm not sure why that is. Am I become more short-tempered? More of a bitch? I just don't know. Maybe there's a strange type of change in the air. Although I'd hope it was a good one.

My life is full of horror. (films that is)

Fornication

2008-03-07T20:42:00.000-08:00

Over at Chris's. Where I learned how to play poker and hearts and there was a lot of fornication, or talk of it anyways. Fornicating with new friends of course. This is pretty much a pointless post, just because I felt like it. My new friend Matt (drunkie/fornication partner) says hi. He's singing about it. That's it for me, I'll write about tomorrow's activities when the time comes.
xx

the big 3 oh

2008-03-05T19:39:00.000-08:00

10:43pm

It's been a month and some change. What's different? Probably just the fact that I finally got that pesky license. So now I'm a free woman...well free-er than I was before. It's just easier for me to buy fast food now. Which is sad and that's what having my license has helped me achieve. Health problems. & driving to school & work is great, being able to wake up whenever I want. And just driving around which I got to do for the first time today seeing as I skipped class and I had nothing to do after hanging out with Katey and Sarah. It was nice.
Spring is on it's way here and you know what that means! People will be in heat and I feel it coming on and I can slowly but surely feel my frustration building.
This isn't going to be fun.

Oh and all those things I was so excited for in February (Spice Girls, the youth summit) went very well. I had a great time at both.

update update update

2008-01-27T13:06:00.000-08:00

1. Being on TV was great, everyone said I was a natural and I was asked to help out some for a few hours a week if I was available to do that.
2. Haven't gotten my license yet, because the test is really annoying.
3. I got red highlights in my hair and I love it, it's the first time I've ever had color in my hair.
4. School starts tomorrow and I already have a list of things I need to do. Like: buy my books, register for another class, get a new student ID, and a parking permit thing.

& february needs to hurry up and get here. Across the Universe is out on dvd on the 5th, I'm so excited.

Television star?

2008-01-18T12:29:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be on TV tonight. It's for a phone bank thing with PFLAG on Maryland Public Television. i'm gonna be talking about the youth group, Rainbow Youth Alliance.
I'm pretty excited, not sure what I should wear though. We leave to go to the studio around 6:45, should be a lot of fun. Seeing as I've never been on tv before.
I need to groom myself, I'm just sitting here topless listening to S Club. I just got back from babysitting Sam, a few days ago I had to go to Gettysburg with Becca's mom because Sam was being a bit difficult and the car ride but him to sleep. We had adventures around the hotel and then we stayed in the gift shop and watched the opening to Arthur on youtube over and over. I took some really nice pictures on the way there. Open fields and farm houses, things like that.
Well I'm off to find clothes to put on and shower and that.
xxx

Love songs and horror movies.

2008-01-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

11:31pm

Felt the need to blog just now. Linwood came round today and we went car shopping (for him of course) today and it's actually a lot of fun. The car salesmen always smell good and test driving those expensive cars is always a grand time. I pretty much just hung out with him today and now I'm watching Hostel on mute while playing love songs. It's pretty great, I made a playlist last night/4 in the morning of quirky awkward love songs. Because I'm awesome at mixes. Songs like First Day of my Life by Bright Eyes and Broken Social Scene and Kate Nash. Not to mention a song from the Pokemon soundtrack, just because I can.
Tomorrow I'm going over to Becca's to babysit little Sam, or the toothless wonder as I like to call him. And I'm going to take that opportunity to watch all of the movies I said I would over the winter break, Hairspray, Peaceful Warrior, and West Side Story. I'm sure there are others, so as break comes to a close I'll have to watch them. Anyways there's not too much excitement going on in my life, although I am going to be on TV this friday so I need to start practicing the art of speaking slower. I just want February to get here, because there's a lot to look forward to.
(Lobby Day, Spice Girls concert, GLSEN Youth Summit)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/R4miseRyj3I/AAAAAAAAD64/DmU-6V5XICc/s1600-h/greatwhitenorth.jpg

xxx

Awkward!

2008-01-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

I lost the first post I wrote, but that's okay. I figure since it's the new year I'll try to keep up with my blogging, I write in an journal everyday so it shouldn't be that hard. So here's an update of what's been going on lately.
First semester: grades wise, I did really well except for math which is always hell on earth.
Holidays: Quiet, but nice all the same. I spent Christmas buying music and parallel parking. New Years I hung out alone for most of the night, but then I went over to Nick's.
Work: Exactly the same. I doubt anything will ever change in the world of retail.
Friends: Lovely.
Love: Still stupid.
Yesterday I went out to dinner with the RYA people and that was a lot of fun because I hadn't been out in awhile, except to go to work. And it was great seeing everyone. Afterwards we went to the playground and then to my house where I had to sit around and watch my friends make out, which was really awkward. It's just me sitting there trying to focus on the tv. One day it won't be like that. One day. But I mean I want my friends to be happy and I'm glad that they are, we all deserve that. Some of us anyways.
Random: I got asked to be on an MPT phone bank tv thing for PFLAG on the 18th, so that should be pretty fun.

I must eat so many lemons cos I'm so bitter.

2007-11-18T22:31:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've written in this. Hm how have things been you might ask?
Kind of shitty, but it's slowly getting better. I mean I still feel like I'm going through the motions and everything's so routine, but what can you do about that? At least I don't feel as unmotivated and stressed as I did, so that's a good thing. I feel like I'm slowly accomplishing things that I need to get done and that's a great feeling, although there's still stuff I'm worried about as always. The boy situation is it's usual crap and you know what I think the problem is? They're not British. That's the problem. I'm chalking it up to the fact that men are stupid, but american men are worse. Stupider if you will. (because my life has been predictable yet again and I heard the most overused phrase in my existence- I just want to be friends. It's a vicious cycle. or something. after thinking and hoping that maybe this time it would be different.) But hey, I suck it up and move on, since I'm so used to it and all. Still hurts each time though.
Thanksgiving break is coming up this week and that means I get to see Stella which I'm quite excited about because I always have such a fun time with her and I miss her. Hm what else, practiced 3 point turns with my father today and I did a great job according to him, hopefully I'll have my license before jan 28th (the start of spring semester) I don't want to have to rely on anybody else anymore, that'll be nice.
Soo yeah, that's about it, I don't have class today so I'll just be working on my women's studies paper and then going to work. It sure is an exciting life I lead.

it's drivin' me wild

2007-10-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Things have been in and out lately, trying to squash fights over boys (because that's middle school), trying to figure out my other boy situation and the weirdness that's going on with all that, and just other random friend business. & I'm missing my other friends that are away at school and such, because I just need a different element in my life right now and I know that they would help.
On the upside of things, I got a new phone and we got a new fridge because our other one just went and broke.
I would write more, but I'm pretty tired. Sometime soon maybe I'll actually write about something real instead of the silly things that just pester me.

Alright.

2007-10-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm putting off working on my english essay that's already a bit late anyways, but I'll get it done before I go to sleep. So it seems that things are looking up.
I'm going on a date saturday, which is very shocking to me, but exciting all the same.
I've decided to leave behind the upset of another situation and just move on, because I don't need or want to be upset anymore. I'll leave a window cracked in the back of my mind for it, because that's all it deserves.

Anyways so I've been wondering why can't people just be honest with each other about the way that they feel? That would make things a lot less confusing I feel. But hey not everyone can do that.
Back to work.

xxx

lonely october song

2007-10-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

1:28am

It's been quite awhile, September went by really quickly.
Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
But right now there's drama going on and I'm trying to be the bigger person and I feel like there's no need for me to recieve any hateful emotions.
I mean I've been through stuff too and I'm trying to move past it to become the better person that I am now. It took some time to try and be this pleasant and people seem to think that I can only be happy, which is the stupidest thing ever. I'm a human too and I feel other things. And I shouldn't have to hide my feelings.
I just want to be surrounded by postitive people with good vibes you know?
Because there are other things that I'm worrying about and this doesn't need to be one of them.

Good things: getting paid today (I didn't know today was a pay day), hanging out at centennial park tomorrow (today), hotel party this coming weekend, and not having to do crocs and life is good today at work.

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

That's how I feel^ enough is enough. Isn't it time I got something back?

I need to go to sleep soon because I have to be up very early for a hair appointment.
Man I have so much I need to do. I'm worried.

lucy in the sky with diamonds

2007-09-28T17:47:00.001-07:00

I'm over at Chris's and we're going to see Across the Universe tonight and I'm so excited.
Robby and Drew don't want to see it, I think they're silly.
I know they're silly.
But I do enjoy their presence(s)? They're always entertaining.

So not a lot has been going on really, just procrastinating and stuff
Boys- not caring too much anymore, just doing what I usually do, flirting.
This is pretty much a pointless post, I just wanted to write about Drew and Robby.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/RvV7y2GGXLI/AAAAAAAAB60/L4hraGoB3P0/s1600-h/iphone.jpg
this is for Robby.

why's it always goodnight and go?

2007-09-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

9:19pm

My party last friday was a lot of fun. Running around shirtless in the rain on the wet playground playing tag. That's always a good time.
Otherwise, I'm still feeling weird/bad/confused. At first I didn't really know why I was feeling like this, but it's slowly starting to make sense.
I don't want to feel a certain way and it's affecting my mood, plus the fact that people are getting on my nerves. (It's like I know what I want, but there's not much I can do about it)
I'm glad to have my good friends though that can understand that.
Like Andy IMed me last night to see how I was and I thought that that was so sweet of him, made my night.
Rawr. And I don't feel like doing my math homework, but it's still early.
(& I love talks with my brother, he's always like wow you always have so much to tell me that goes on in one day)
But the exciting parts of my day include: buying new underwear and America's Next Top Model.
That's probably pretty sad.
xxx

?

2007-09-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

Soo I feel better than yesterday
I'm excited for my party, but I hope I don't end up getting upset or something.
I'm not going to let anything get in the way of my having fun.

Something's going to happen tomorrow I just know it.
I just feel really strange.

&I can't be confused about other boys.
Sooo I'm just gonna try and stop thinking about it.

xxx

uh wtf.

2007-09-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. Here's the breakdown:
Today was shitty, everyone was being mean to me for telling a boy I like him through text.
(I didn't think it was a big deal, they ganged up on me)
I saw that boy today, almost had a conniption, he didn't see me thankfully.

Linwood, Heidi, and Taylor made me feel better.
I'm glad for them.

My playground party is on friday & I hope everything will go over well, I'm not going to let this drama get in the way of my having fun.

I'm starting to like this boy less and less, because he's oblivious, I'm getting confused about another boy. Which can't happen. Period, the end.

Mom says I shouldn't tell my friends everything because crap like this will happen.

Some people have big mouths.

I feel under appreciated.

It's surprising how quickly things/feelings/people can change.

I. don't. need. this/it.

I have so much I need to do.

Life's a mess.

Fuck.

2007-09-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

Even though everything about this is different, that doesn't mean anything will change.
The End.

I need to stop thinking about it.

pressure!

2007-09-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

you don't do on it on purpose, but you make me shake.

8:43pm

First off I've just been thinking about all of the stuff that I have to do and that's really annoying.

I've just been so busy and I don't want to think about the silly things that I need to get done.

Crush business

On one hand, I see something I want & I'm gonna get it and if I just stick to my guns and continue to be awesome (which he's noticed) then I should come out on top.

But on the other hand this is a person we're talking about and I'm unsure of feelings.

Good thing I have my friends to help me out because in a normal situation I would wait for awhile and then up and tell the person that I like them, because I'm a strong gal and I don't see anything wrong with that, but everytime I've done that it's just put people off.

& I hate hate hate how when you tell a boy that they're cute, they'll be like UMMM SORRY I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU...you might try to do something... (it's not always that extreme, but they'll act weird around you)

What's so wrong with telling someone you appreciate their looks?! It's stupid when people react that way. (Oh and I know he's different because I did tell him that he's cute and he said thanks, I slipped it in pretty well& he also notices little things about me, like jewlery that I wear. Boys NEVER notice those things.)

&& This gives me an inkling of hope because sometimes these are right:

http://horoscopes.aol.com/astrology/astro-forecast/love-horoscope/taurus/september-2007

& the tarot lady that I saw in late july said something about a relationship with in 2-3 months, it's been a month now. I wrote everything she said down to see if anything came true.

I'm not jumping the gun at all, just trying to add everything together.

And to deviate from that for a second, we're buying our halloween wigs this weekend, I'm pretty excited. My costume is called Sexy Pirate Wench by the way. Hopefully we find something cool to do on Halloween, because then it would be a bit of waste. I'm sure we will though, what with all of our new friends. Ok so I'm done. I need to go take a shower.

xxx

I just think that we'd get on.

2007-08-31T22:45:00.000-07:00

These past four days have felt like a year. I've just been so busy (in a good way) what with classes, meeting people, and making new friends. I feel like I've known these people for the longest time even though it's really been less than a week. & I think that's amazing. Linwood feels the same way. And also about this crush thing, it's not full blown as it shouldn't be, it's just that I'm very intrigued by this person and although this is probably odd, that's never happened before. So everything's pretty interesting, new, and full of texts. I'm excited for tuesday. (lunch crew!)

Oh and last night I went to a straight club for the first time and the only good things about it were: I got in for free (ladies' night!) and that the music was great. They played our theme song (Push It) of the night and that was pretty hilarious.
Downside: Everything else. Being the creepy guys, all the split beer, and the whole feeling like a stripper because I was dancing on the stage to get away from those creepy guys, but they were staring.

Gah, I can't find my remote. I need to clean my room.

Love.

2007-08-29T17:15:00.001-07:00

I love my new friends, I love my old friends, I love that they get along with each other, I love my new godson and his mother, I kind of love school scratch that I do love it (crazy right?), I love chocolate, I love yellow, green, white, and orange gummi bears, I love the fact that Brennan works at a jewlery store so I get to try on expensive diamond rings, I love that Linwood doesn't mind if I talk about the same things, I love making friends with people who work at stores, I love shenanigans, I love the fact that I can act stupid and my friends do the same, I love hugs, I love crushes (sometimes, right now yes). Today was a good day.

xxx

OMFG.

2007-08-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

I can't even write right now, I just found out one of my good friends had a baby, she didn't know she was pregnant. I'm going to go visit her tomorrow after class.
In other news:
1. Took the license test today, couldn't do the 3 point turn/turnabout thing so the lady told me to make another appointment. I'm not really in a rush as long as I can get to school and back things are good. I'll get my license when I get it and I'm never good at things like this on the first try. Dad said he'd get an instructor guy he knows to help me out.
2. School. School was actually pretty fun, it was great being in a whole new environment, with new and old faces. English class is going to be very interesting I think. It's an argumentative/persuasion based class and that's perfect for me because I love to argue and I'm pretty good at persuasion. Tomorrow it's math which I'm not excited about and then women's studies, Alex told me that the professor is great.
3. Work. I didn't want to work today, but I'm glad I did because it was the last time I'd get to see/work with Kath, because she's off to Atlanta on Wednesday. I'll definitely miss her, but we're going to write letters to each other. & the store was soo cold today. It was ridiculous.
Anyways I think that's pretty much it, I'm stil in shock from the first bit of news.

Oh My Word.

2007-08-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna start this out with saying I'm always the catalyst.
That means that whenever I'm with friends who are interested in each other, or dating, most times they end up making out or doing something while I'm there.
I'm used to this so I hone my skill of trying to block it out, I mean I really don't mind it, but it's just funny that it always seems to happen with me. Oh and to some extent catalyst isn't the right word, but I'm the reason that nothing goes further between the people who are making out etc. etc.
& Jilly-bean I value close relationships as well and it's unfair when people don't feel the same way.
Oh and I've decided that if I were to write a book it would be called "I'd Totally Date You...If I Wasn't Gay"
Story of my life.
Anyways so Jordan and I are talking about his tv show ideas and his idea was sort of like what people he's met recently were doing before they came into contact with each other. And I
actually think about that too and how their lives would be different or my life would be different if we hadn't met.
I'm basically done, but it's so strange that this is my last weekend of summer, I'm not ready for it to be over.
xxx

Rainy Days and Mondays.

2007-08-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

Figured that it was about time for an update. We had orientation tonight for school and HCC is bigger than I realized, I'll need to go there a couple of days before school and figure everything out. We got so many papers and free pens and I'm a dork so I love getting stuff like that. I haven't gone through it all yet.
I didn't see as many people from high school as I thought I would and that was nice.
There were a lot of cute people there as well which was also nice.
Earlier today I hung out with Stella and I'm going to miss her when she goes off to school, but I'll visit her at her apartment and we'll eat soggy cereal and watch movies. Yet another thing that will be nice. I keep saying that, sorry.
I have to work all week except for Thursday and I need to finish working on the shirt that Laura and I were making for Rupert Grint's birthday which is on Friday. All I need now is to get the size of the picture right and I'm set.
Mini-rant: I wish people were more reliable, when they say they want to hang out, follow through. Again I'm tired of giving some much and getting little or nothing back, there needs to be balance of some sort in every kind of relationship.
Anyways, it's 1:48am right now and I'm pretty sure even though I'm tired I'll be up until 4.
Night all.

What do I need?!

2007-08-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

2:52pm

Friendship gets me down. I'm hopeless, I always want to believe that (certain) friendships will withstand the test of time. & I know in my heart that to some extent they won't. I hate how it always seems that I care so much more than other people than they do about me. & even facebook upsets me because I'm friends with all these people I don't even talk to and pictures remind of things we did or didn't do and there are people I wish I could've spent more time with. I hate feeling like this and sometimes I just think it's going to get worse. Maybe a shower and picture taking will make me feel better, because I don't know what I need.

Let's take it from the top.

2007-08-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

That's what I look like when I'm blogging by the way. But not THAT excited all the time.

Anyways so I'm pretty sure that I think too much and it prohibits me from doing things sometimes. So last night I made some new friends and I know that in those intense, high-energy situations I can be really overwhelming. It's just a side to my personality. But people don't seem to mind. Oh and I scheduled my license test for the 27th which happens to be the same day I start college. It works out well because my first and only class is at 12:30 on Mondays.

ARGH. I HATE WHEN THE SAME PERSON ASKS ME EVERYTIME WE TALK HOW MY LOVE LIFE IS.
GOD. STFU! The answer is ALWAYS the same. And what's worse is this person is creepy. Why do I put up with this?

You know what else I hate? The fact that I live in America and I can't get all the music I want.
(i.e. the 15 S Club songs I don't have, Kate Nash, and so much more)
It would be amazing if you could buy music from all the iTunes stores.
Rawrrr.

Riot// Oh my god you're being really annoying bye.

2007-08-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

I had to work for 11 hours straight today. Or 10 hours and 57 minutes if you want to be exact. We had these computers velcroed around our waists and the velcro kept scratching my back, it was really uncomfortable.& working that long made us irritable, tired, bitter, delirious, and sort of like zombies.I was making death threats towards the one of the inventory specialists. Kath thought it was great. And after my mom picked me up, we stopped by the bank and I got confused and put the wrong amount of money in and I was on the phone with my dad trying to work out driving plans for tomorrow and I just started crying, it was stupid really. I was just ahhh from work. It's been a long fucking day.

Rant:

Why are Americans so ignorant? I hate it when people will say immigrants need to learn English because they're in America. I'm sure they probably are, give them a break! And people like that tend to think that they're so much better than everyone else, which is utter bullshit. It makes me lose the little faith I had in humanity to begin with. Americans are no better than anyone else, it's like people in European countries saying we need to learn their language because we're there, which I bet they don't do.

Something else that annoys me: when people give way too much information in their Facebook statuses. Some of that stuff I really don't need to know and people should keep things to themselves. Pity whores and sexual deviants. (which I'm definitely okay with, but not in this way)

& on the other note I just watched The Hills (guilty pleasure) and Spencer is the creepiest
douchebag toolbox ever. If I knew someone like that I wouldn't put it past me to stab them.
&Newport Harbor is a piece of shit, it's like 10 minutes away from Laguna Beach and all those people look exactly the same.
TV like that makes me angry, clearly.

Oh no I don't mind taking it slow ow ow

2007-08-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

I really should be asleep right now. I have to be at work at 7. It's 1:03 right now.
But nope I'm just up listening to Samson, because this song is beautiful.
It's definitely at the top of my most played list on iTunes.

So everyone's leaving for college soon (and going back) and a part of me is sad about that not only because they're leaving, but because I won't be. & another part of me is okay with it.
I won't be alone, so that helps. On the other side of things there are people that I'm more than happy to see go.
And another good thing, hopefully I'll have my license soon, so I can finally do what I need to without having to rely on someone else.
Even though my car has no radio (yet) those speakers in a bag work wonders.
Night all!

I should be making food.

2007-08-11T18:08:00.001-07:00

In about an hour, I've got some friends coming over to celebrate Chris's birthday. We probably won't stay here because of the lack of parking spaces so it's off to the playground we go. Seeing as that's one of our favourite spots.
Anyways last night I went to Ryan's for a Murder Mystery Party, it was a lot of fun. I got to be Mo Lawns, who was the male groundskeeper at the resort. I decided to make him British, it made no sense, but everyone enjoyed my accent.
I was fully prepared to come as the high class slut, but work got in my way.
On the way home Linwood and I got pulled over, which was an exciting experience for me because I'd never been pulled over before and the whole time I was thinking, thanks to this cop's flashlight I can read the horribly sad sex rumours people have heard in my Seventeen magazine. Like this one for example:
"Someone told me that brushing your teeth after giving oral sex will prevent you from getting an STD"
It's even worse because that girl is 19.
On the topic of gentials, as I was getting my hair permed today I can always feel a weird tingling down there, I guess there are some nerves connected to there or something.
I have an odd body. Just thought you should know.

Alright well I'm off to make that food
(& thanks for the shout out/comments Jordan!)
xx

I have no creative title for this.

2007-08-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

It's a damn good thing I'm not allergic to dust. & tiny spiders.
I was at work today doing inventory of the damages and I got a cut from a broken cup and dust all over me. It was an ordeal.
Inventory of the whole store is on Monday, we have to go in at 7 and never leave. It's going to be like 10 hours or something crazy. But on the brightside:
1. Money
2. Pizza
3. We get to wear jeans.
(which really excites all of us, we're all like WHAT ARE WE GOING TO WEAR?!)
& I told Katie that I wish I could wear a shirt with an ass on it, that says KISS THIS.
Too bad I haven't got one. I should make one.

& I bought or my mom bought rather, iPod speakers for my car because it is without radio. I made a driving playlist and I parallel parked to that shit.

In other news I think I have Restless Legs Syndrome:

Symptons:
Strange itching, tingling, or "crawling" sensations occurring deep within the legs. These sensations sometimes occur in the arms. (check)

A compelling urge to move the limbs to relieve these sensations (check)

Restlessness - Floor pacing, tossing and turning in bed, rubbing the legs (check)

Symptoms may occur only with lying or sitting. Sometimes persistent symptoms occur that are worse with lying or sitting and better with activity. In very severe cases, the symptoms may not improve with activity. (& check)

It's happening right now.

(Oh and plus the time is all wrong, it's definitely 2am right now.)

"If we don't get anywhere we're gonna get to the fucking Dunkin Donuts!"

2007-08-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

Nick and I went on an adventure today to find the thirft store because he needed some clothes.
Although it took a few wrong turns, we did get to enjoy the scenery of the lovely backroads of Woodstock. And as we were sliding down those roads Fast Car came on by Tracy Chapman and I don't know something about that song and where we were just fit perfectly.
Singing along and clutching my camera with my arm out of the window. I think everyday should be like that.
Before that rousing trip to the Salvation Army, my dad and I went to the Wal-Mart parking lot to practice parallel parking. I hate it, but I'm getting better.

I haven't checked Rupert Grint.net today, which is something that I basically do everytime I get on the internet. Sad I know, but it's not like I'm the only one.

I don't want to leave!

2007-08-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

Working at Hallmark makes me:

1. Sing to Michael Bolton (&other crap music)
2. Hate children (generally I like them)
3. Lose the little faith I have in humanity
4. Steal candy
5. Realize how many Europeans are in Maryland & ways of finding them
(and I'm sure the list would go on, but I can't think of anything else)

Honestly it's just sad, but it's work so I suck it up. It does give me a kind of sick pleasure when I tell the kids that the only Webkinz we have are in the front of the store. Get it where you can, eh?

Besides work, things have been good I guess. I'm just kind of going through the motions really.
Something big needs to happen to throw me back into the groove of things.

I need to find paper so I can write letters to my penpals. I know there's tons of paper in my house, but I'm too lazy to find it. Hm there actually might be some behind my bed.

You never forget your first.

2007-08-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

Well I'm not sure who's going to be reading this, if anyone, but this first post will be short. Seeing as my mother is calling me to watch a movie. And then I've got work. I desperately need to fix my hair.