Blue.

Night falls
I fall
And where were you?
And where were you?
Warm skin
Wolf grin
And where were you?
I fell into the moon
And it covered you in blue
I fell into the moon
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night?
High tide
Inside
The air is dew
And where were you?
While I
I died
And where were you?
I crawled out of the world
And you said I shouldn't stayI crawled out of the world
Can I make it right?
Can I spend the night
Alone?

Summer's over and I should've went to bed an hour ago and I don't know things anymore. I'm not certain of anything and that's ..odd. Honesty can hurt sometimes.
It's so cold right now.

we got dicks like jesus.

Besides cleaning, working out, and laying out in the sun for my vitamin D taking pictures were how I'm spending this last summer day. Maybe going to the playground later for stars and maybe the howard county police. Hopefully not the second. I really hope my mom and relatives don't come back in the house while I'm blasting My Dick. That would be embarassing. I don't need that. I'm sure it'll be over before they come home. Anyways I'm glad I was productive today if nothing else. & I did Barbie Aerobics from when I was a kid and it made me really happy, so that's not bad at all considering the recent events. &I also feel really good about what I ate today and I hope I can keep this whole thing up. That'd be nice. Well I'm off to do..something.

and you don't know me at all.

Why does it seem to be that I write in this when I've had a shitty day or am angry or what have you? Not sure, but I guess that's just the way things go. I know I've written about this PLENTY of times, but it still really aggravates me: When someone asks how your day was and you tell them shitty and they don't even ask why or if it got better or anything along those lines. Isn't that something that people do? I mean I do that. Maybe not everyone cares to know. But it just makes the day a bit worse. Today was a family day and at first it wasn't too bad, but then it always ends in tears. For me anyway. If you ever want to feel like shit and that you're worth nothing and that nothing you do is ever going to be right, those are the people to talk to. And it just makes me so upset that they judge me, my brother, and my mother so much and we're family. It shouldn't be like that. And I feel like if we're not hurting ourselves or anyone else, what's the problem you know? I see none. And generally I'm a really strong person and I don't let people get to me like this, but after years of it it just breaks you down. I left feeling like a worthless piece of shit, as per usual. This has been building up for awhile because I never felt it as much as I did last night. Mom and I had a long talk in the car after I finished sobbing and it was really nice to talk to her because she understood and she was there for me when no one else was. Guess that's what a mom should be really. And she told me stories about when Thomas and I were born and how she and my Dad started dating and their first dance song came on the radio, which was really strange.

Today is the last day of summer and I can't say I'm completely ready to say goodbye to it. I'm ready for school, but I'd like a little bit more time just to get myself together. But oh well. Nothing I can do. I just hope there are stars out tonight so I can lay on the hill and watch them for awhile. Not much else to say really, I just wanted to get that out. Talked to mom, wrote about it in my journal, wrote it here. Hopefully I won't feel bad in the morning, but my uncle and aunt are coming over and she was one of the ones I have problems with. We'll see how that train wreck goes. I'll be locking my door.

Oh and I went to the doctor, I have to see a neurologist for my dizzy spells and falling down, I hope that there's nothing up with my brain. The doc said I was healthy otherwise which was nice to hear.

good intentions.

Kat inspired me to come back to the blog. I can't believe it's August already, I guess that's exciting in a way because I'm ready for school except not ready for the work and paying for books and all that bullshit that comes along with it. But I do so much relish the times my friends and I spend together in the cafe. That makes school what it is. And as school progresses that just means England is that much closer. Emma and I have hit a certain snag, but hopefully that'll get figured out and it'll work for the best. Speaking of England I'm off to stalk Facebook pictures, because I mean what self respecting teenage girl doesn't do that?
Before I do that, completely random- I spent 8 hours of my day with Tony and we had a lot of fun and I got some type of exercise, which is good seeing as I'm often sitting on my fat ass all day. And with that I'm off.
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