I won't be thinking about you.

One of the things that gets on my nerves the most would be unreliable people. You make plans and they don't keep them and don't even bother to call. Taylor was supposed to take me to lunch because he missed my birthday and I didn't get a call or a text or anything and some people just chronically do this type of thing and I'm thinking it's not really worth the trouble anymore, especially if they just ignore me anyway then what's the point?
I mean I'm a pretty reliable person and it just irks me when people don't have to decency to call or text or anything. It's not that hard. And I feel like certain people are too concerned with themselves to care about what might be going on in someone else's life. And all they can do is tune you out. Friendship is a two-way street.


http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brandnew/lastchancetoloseyourkeys.html

That describes it. I mean this type of thing has happened to me countless times.
I can't wait to be 5,000 miles away from here.

Do you wish that we would fall in love?

First things first, I didn't get fired. My boss just said shit happens and since I've worked there for so long without an incidence like this, it was alright. Second, my birthday was fun did the usual stuff went to Noodles &Co, saw Speed Racer (which I loved), went to the playground, and then hung out at my house.
Otherwise things have been alright, I checked my grades and I didn't fail Social Problems! Which gave me 2 As, a B, and a C. My GPA for the year was a 3.3, that's probably the best I've ever done in school.
I'm so ready though to get it all finished and go to England.
We (Ryan, Chris, Emma, and I) went to Frederick today to take pictures for Chris's photo contest and it was so beautiful there. I think if I had to live in Maryland, I'd live there. Sucks that it's like a 45 minute to an hour drive because I'd love to hang out there.
Man it's ridiculously hot in my room, my windows are open, but it's not helping.
Today was a beautiful day.

Here it comes again.

After spending the day crying yesterday and earlier in the weekend, things are looking up a bit. Except for the fact that I might be fired from work because my drawer was $100 short on Friday (& it can't be accounted for)I told my boss that she knows that I didn't take it and she said she knows that, but the office doesn't care if I've worked there for 100 years they could still tell her to fire me. Which makes no sense because in the 2 years and 8 months that I've worked there this has never happened before and if I do it fired, I'm taking them to court. My boss was like that's money out of Leonard's (Banner) pocket, like he can't deal with losing $100 out of all the money he makes. And I asked her if I could just make it up and she was like they don't allow us to do that. Which also makes no sense, how would they even be able to tell? She also said if they don't fire me, then they'll be "watching me" Don't understand how they'll do that, but okay. Anyways on a happier note, I angrily cleaned the house yesterday & today. And I even cleaned Thomas's old room (my new room) because if he wasn't going to get to it, I had to. I needed it clean if I want to put furniture in there (like my new bookcase)
And I called my dad yesterday who of course forgot about my birthday, quality fathering skills that man has. Top notch. And I also told him about moving to England and he was like we'll see. Yeah no you won't see anything because I'm going with or without his permission, he has no control over anything I do. So he can shove that right up his ass.
Anyways I'm excited to wear my new outfit tomorrow, for Emma's cock-shaped cake, and seeing my friends. Hopefully it'll be a good day.

"I don't really wanna live this life"

Things I hate:
1. When people constantly talk about themselves and don’t ask how you are
2. When they ask how you are and you say shitty or something along those lines and they completely disregard it and then go right into something having to do with them.
3. People who are unreliable, you make plans and then they break them or don’t even give you a call to let you know what’s happening
4. Not being able to count on people because of #3.
5. Feeling like no one cares.
6. When people leave trash in my fucking car.

But hey I don’t expect anything anymore so I won’t be disappointed. And you know what sucks? I’m not even that excited for my birthday. I’m just really unsatisfied and really unhappy and I know there’s nothing I can do about it, this has been a long time coming and I feel like it’s going to last awhile. Temporary happiness is great and all, but I’m not even feeling that.
& I don’t know why I keep expecting some people to care because I know they don’t.
I just drove around aimlessly tonight because I had nothing better to do and I walked around and cried and then just got mad.
&what sucks even more is I think all this is making me break out.



(In slightly happier news I did really well my first year of college, got a 3.5)

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matkearney/girlamerica.html

I'm ready now

Damn I need to get out of here. There's nothing here for me anymore.
On the outside it's as if things are fine, but that's not the way it is.
But whatever I'll try and stop writing about that.
I've got my last 2 finals tomorrow and then I'm finished and then work all weekend and after that birthday. Mum's supposed to be taking me shopping which will be great.
Anyway haven't got much else to say. Early start tomorrow, not like it matters.

Sugar is bad for me.

Before I go back to watching my DVDs, I wanted to write. I always get mad at myself when I don't write in my (paper) journal for a couple of days, I feel like I'm wasting my days or something. I haven't anything really important to say, just that my birthday's in a week and I don't know what I want to do and for some strange reason I feel like certain people don't want to talk to me as much anymore and I don't know if that's true or just a silly assumption I'm making but either way I don't like it, of course.
Also I wonder why it is that when a guy is interested in one of my coworkers, I'm always the one they go to to give her their number. This has happened twice, not like that's a lot, but I just find it strange, I guess I'm the non-threatening type or something. It's annoying.
Bleh.
Summer's almost here and I'm more than ready, I don't know something needs to change.

A part of me is so unhappy. & I really wish I could fix it.

"I'm ready now to start a new beginning
With all our hopes and all our dreams
And I know the stars will shine for you and for meFrom the moment you believe."

& it's just like a dream

Driving 5 hours to Pittsburgh was definitely worth it, because we got to hang out with the band.
We were going to go home, but Kelsey's dad was being a nazi and told us we had to stay there (because she wasn't supposed to drive because of provisionals) & we talked to the band afterwards and Joshua invited us to stay at the hotel they were at, so we followed them to the middle of nowhere and randomly got a room right across from them. So we spent the rest of the night before we left at 5am, going back and forth through our room and theirs. We also stole beer from outside of someone's hotel room, because the band wanted alcy. I don't drink, but it was just kind of fun. Then at 3 we went to Denny's with Sioban the tour manager and I spilled chocolate milkshake all over myself, but it was delicious. He asked for my number afterwards and he gave me his. I just couldn't believe it was all happening and it's funny because that was the first time I ever hung out with Kelsey(outside of work) and Tessa (I had just met her).

As for school, I've finished with English & Women's Health so my Mondays and Wednesdays are free, which is great. My ASL lab final went well I got an 87 and I have a solid A in the class, there's a true or false written final on Thursday and I also have Social Problems, which I'm sure I'll fail. And then my birthday's coming up soon. I can't believe it.
& I was going to take a math class over the summer, but that would be a waste of time and gas so I'll just take it next semester. I also can't believe I'm done with my first year of college and England is at my heels. Well I have to leave for work in 10 minutes. Goodbye for now.
xx

Can we take a ride? Get out of this place while we still have time.

School's almost finished. I've got my first 2 exams tomorrow, Women's Health and English. Not too much to worry about. And immediately after school Kelsey, her friend Tessa, and I are driving 4 hours to Pittsburgh to see Kelsey's favourite band Breathe Carolina, she met them less than a week ago, but she's that obsessed. I anticipate it's going to be fun and very interesting. We're gonna get back at like 4:30am on thursday. & I've got an exam at 1, sign language lab. Should be easy. I just need to brush up on money markers and things of the like.
I'm so ready for summer. Today was a beautiful day. I know I should take math during the summer, but that would ruin my fun and kill my gas because I'd have to go out of my way to get to the school.
& I had a really fun time at work tonight because Kelsey and I were being fools.
And creeping out the customers. Such a great time.
Well I'm gonna go and finish watching Seven and hopefully not fall asleep like I always seem to do.