Moving On

Chris and I have decided that after he graduates in a year we're gonna pack up and move to England together. It's a good decision and it feels right. I'm going to try and go to school there. It's going to be a lot of work, but it's worth it.
I'm sure there's more I need to write, but I have a paper to write (which won't get done), a powerpoint to finish, and boys to fuck with.
Love.

The King of The Road

Oo two updates in a row, my my.
I'm at school right now waiting for my presentation partner. He should be here soonish.
There's a deaf event at Fuddrucker's tonight it should be pretty fun. I'm excited.
And I wanna finish this before my partner comes, because I don't want him to see this.
Why I don't know. I just don't.
There are doors opening everywhere, I feel jumpy for some unknown reason.
And I've been feeling really unmotivated lately. Also I'm getting to the point where I know that I need to move on from here. Like Maryland. There's a huge part of me that's telling me to go to Europe and I'm gonna do it. I have to do it. Not right now or anything, but soon. It's just been growing and I can't ignore it. So there's that.
I don't know if I've been unhappy or what, but something's in the air. Something's making me feel weird. Not a fan. I just wish I knew what it was so I could fix it. Oh well.

"The guy who whipped it out...I mean..gross."

1. I'm not excited for this weekend.
We're having this huge Webkinz (the new craze for kids) event at Hellmark and there are going to be children everywhere. I don't want to be trampled. And we're having games and shit.
2. Not all of the weekend will be bad though because I am hanging out with Caitrin so that'll be fun. I need to buy some blank CDs for her, Chris, and Becca's mom (for pictures of Mr. Sam).
3. Uh. I hate feeling things.
4. I think I just contracted an STD from watching A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila.
Eh. Life.

the big 4 oh

Thought I should write a little update of sorts because it's been awhile saw Kate Nash last night and luckily got to be in the front row. She smiled at me and so did her hot guitarist ( a lot, it was quite cute). It was a great concert. Then today I went to get my hair done and that's always a blast (not, because I have to get up so early-5:30 or 6 and then I get yelled at for falling asleep)

After that I got home, showered and hung out with Emma. We did the usual, shopping a bit and took pictures. & talked shit about Jordan- the lying cow if you will, because that never gets old.

Later Caitrin & Vlad stopped by, we played a botched game of Snatch which involved us making dirty words and throwing them in each other's clothes, pretty much. And then I took Emma home&now I'm here. Feeling unsatsified and tired. Can't really explain the unsatisfied, but tired is self-explanatory. Well the unsatsified is a usual actually. & I'm kind of sad about the fact that I don't really hang out with Linwood that much anymore, we used to just sit in my messy room and talk and I miss that. That's clearly not the only unsatisfying thing (damn I'm using that word quite a lot) It just seems that I can't win.

Tomorrow I have work and I was supposed to hang out with Thomas, but I don't think I can because I have some homework to do and things. I really shouldn't have put this stuff off. Oh well. I clearly love to screw myself up like this.

Why is she not naked?

So um. I hate stupid liars. They suckkk
I'm over at Emma's & liars were the theme of the night.
& sitting around in my car, like creepers.
The end.

This Woman's Work.

So you know what sucks? These things:

1. End of the semester work.
(I'm fucking drowning in it)
2. People who lie about things I've never said.
(It's unneccessary & extremely bitchy)
3. Cute girls who have boyfriends/unattainable girls/boys in general
(I would totally like them / to make out with them if it wasn't for that monkey wrench, so I try to push those feelings out)
4. Getting distracted.
(Clearly this)
5. Not asserting/standing up for yourself
(Why not let someone know how you feel?)
6. When people don't text you back
(Especially when it's important. or you just want to talk to them, I know I do it sometimes, but I really try not to.)
7. When you're trying to have a conversation with someone and they're clearly not listening.
(Nuff said)
8. Not being where I want to be/know I belong.
(It's not here, that's for damn sure)
9. Being sore.
(But how I got that way, totally worth it)
10. Feeling like there's something missing.
(It's no fun.)

So yeah that pretty much sums up life at the present moment. Maybe/hopefully things will get better as the weather does. I hope so, sun&warmth have their ways of making me happy. Hm, I barely slept this weekend either. I like to stay up late, what can I say?
But happy thing- I'm going to see Kate Nash with Jason&Chris on Friday and I'm v. excited. Date night with the boys, the very gay boys. Because c'mon it's me. Really.

Crap on a stick.

Holy woah. Today Emma, Chris and I (and then Orri) took a gaggle of ridiculous and beautiful band photos. (For Pussaliah & the Radiators) These things are really important. Clearly. Man I barely got sleep this weekend, uhm it's definitely a minute till 4 right now & I'm sure I'll be up for awhile yet. My shoulder hurts, we wrestled...a lot. And I won. It was a great time. & then Thomas came home for a hot minute and it was nice to see him, since he's all moved out and whatnot. Well not entirely he still has some shit here he needs to take. I've already started moving clothes into his closet, just dresses and skirts and things. It's really nice to have all this extra space in my closet. It's great and and today was beautiful. Until it rained on us at hell house which wasn't cute. But the sky looked lovely. It was intense. Anywaysss this is just rambling because it's 4am!

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

So I'm making an executive decision to get over it all now. Because I don't want to deal with it, I could run away from it all, but I'm just gonna face it and move on. No more jealously over feeling left out (which seems to be happening more often than not these days which is really upsetting because I felt like that so much in middle school and I don't want to have to experience it again, but oh well because it's definitely happening now), no more little crushes and concerns, and I'll deal with school. That's just how it has to be.
I just don't want to feel this way. & I'm not going to.

Concerned, Conflicted, and Confused

I'm all three of those things up there.
& also a little sad about Thomas moving out, but I am excited to have more space. Not sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'll figure something out.
So I'm concerned 1- about school
conflicted 2- about a boy
confused 3- about a girl.

Life is weird.
and the only thing I can really control out of those things would be school. So yeah about that.
Oh well I'm sure I'll get over everything soon. Hopefully because nothing's changing that's for damn sure.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alexzjohnson/24hours.html
&
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/melaniec/carolyna.html
&
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aqualung/strangebeautifulillputaspellonyou.html

For those three special emotions. On a happier note, I'm gonna get a bookcase for my new room (Thomas's old room) & maybe some other fun things, I'm pretty excited about it all actually.

What if what we see is all we've got?

First post of April:
I had a great weekend in which I barely slept. Friday night I went to dinner with Chris at Paper Moon Diner to meet Caitrin and her friends, it was my first time there and it was really good. Then back to Chris's house for cake and shennagians. (& Allison says I shouldn't deprive myself of secret makeouts at parties, because of the one crazy, I will take that into consideration) It was great seeingCaitrin and we're gonna hang out again sometime soon I believe. So Friday night I stayed up until 6, I was going to spend the night at Chris's, but I forgot I had to get my hair done, so he took me to meet my mom at a gas station and then it was off to the hair salon. I fell asleep under the dryers and on the chairs and got yelled at as usual. Then I went home and I finally got to sleep for a few hours and then Danielle and I went to the Hawk Nelson concert at this church. It was pretty Jesus-y, but it was good. & we met the band afterwards and a few of the others who performed and they were all nice. And then after the concert, I went over to Chris's again and hung out with him, Sam, and Robby. Sam, Robby, and I stayed up until 7 talking, it was a pretty intense conversation.
Then I had work and I can't really remember what I did after that. I guess worked on my teen pregnancy paper, which is always exciting. It's due tomorrow and I still have a few ( a lot) things to do.
Oh and Thomas is almost all moved out and I'm sad about it, but he's only about 15 minutes away and I get a permanent parking space, not a visitor's one anymore. & now I can turn his room into a playroom for me and my friends and all the crazy things we get up to.
His birthday is on the 10th and mom's on the 11th I need to start shopping for them.

Ehhh, I hate wanting things I can't have. That's annoying. But it seems to happen more often than not. Sometimes these situations are up in the air and according to some the signs are obvious and I'm being ridiculous, but I just don't know. Rawrrr, oh I don't know.

Random and weird thing: all day it's felt like there's something in my throat, it's odd and I don't like that feeling.

Okay the end, I'm going to try ( I HAVE TO) do the rest of this work and continue listening to music and texting. I also need to put a shirt on.